It is tough being a good parent- a good father. I do try. And part of this responsibility (and it is a heavy responsibility sometimes) includes dropping off my children at school in the morning. I count it a privilege though because I get to make memories with my kids. There have been times when I would not have enough hours in a day to see my kids off to bed.
So, there I was one fateful morning at my daughter’s school. There was some time to spare and so she wanted to show me some colouring that she was busy with the day before.
Now before I go on, I must just state for the record that these events were traumatising at the time, not only because I was so embarrassed but also because when I came home to rectify my situation, told me, wife, what happened and produced the evidence…and she was almost ROTFL.
Back to that morning…being a class made up of 4 and 5- years olds, the furniture was of the size that only reaches to the top of a grown man’s shins. Those chairs are very low. Even though I am not the tallest around, it is still a long way down.
So, as I tried to sit on one of those chairs and enjoy the visual delight that my daughter was about to dish out for my viewing pleasure, there was a very distinct sound that came from the rear. My rear.
No, not THAT kind of sound…it was the sound of material ripping. I never got onto that chair because I immediately stood up like someone had prodded me with a tazer, reaching around with my hand to assess the extent of the damage. It was as I feared- the immediate draft gave it away. My pants had ripped from the crotch, straight through all the way to the top of the back.
Now this situation was still under control I thought because there had not been anyone behind me when I turned my back the first time. I pride myself on being observant of my environment. And so, I turned around as calmly as I could (just to confirm) and there, in the one corner, sat one of the moms. I have no idea what she was doing there loitering in class.
Unfortunately for me, she was perfectly positioned on one of these tiny-person chairs with an incredible line of sight to what could easily have been a full lunar eclipse.
Now I know that you may be thinking that such an unfortunate event must be caused by a person packing too much junk in their trunk…like trying to pile holiday gear for a family of 5 into a hatchback with. No, you are wrong. This was a 100% legitimate wardrobe malfunction. I can finally relate with the Janet Jackson saga.
In my more adventurous 20’s, it may have been that I go commando at times, but the 30’s bring about a certain level of maturity and respectability that causes a man to imagine many scenarios (unlikely as they may be) where being inappropriately dressed may land a guy in a predicament.
Thank goodness I had undergarments on…though I did make the mistake of wearing cream undies with dark grey pants that day.
I have never been in a real-life emergency before. However, I have been through a few drills…like when they say something like “please remain calm and walk towards the exit”. This was me that morning…with my coolest, calmest face…kissing my daughter goodbye and walking calmly out the door to my car.
Obviously, I had to now go home and change.
My wife…you would think that there would be a hint of sympathy for my situation and the embarrassment suffered. No! She was laughing so hard she could hardly breathe. My wife has one of those full and hearty laughs that I really enjoy…but this was incredibly poor timing on her part. I think there was a slight psychological trauma suffered there. She enjoyed this so much that she told her mother about it to…and my mother-in-law is even more ruthless than her.
Today, almost a year later, I can begin to see how it might be funny to be the butt of such a bad joke.
Previously published on another blog.